I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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