As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Are we still banned from the library?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
