well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
