shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
