How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
