you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
