We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
