I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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