I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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