dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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