You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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