I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
