I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize