You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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