We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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