Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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