Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
