matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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