i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
