I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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