I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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