New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
