Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
