Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
