Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
