I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
