no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
