Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
In America we eat man semen.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
