there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
