I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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