i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
