seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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