whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
