Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
