he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
