Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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