the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
