dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
COCAINE IS GR8
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
