Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
