He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My vagina just clenched in fear
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
