There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
