Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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