What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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