i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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