the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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