Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Girls should come with a carfax report
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
