i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
