I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
