i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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