I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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