Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
