Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
