There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
