she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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