It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
