Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
