He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
