i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
