"it" just moved
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
