You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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