my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
