I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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