she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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