nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
