I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
