I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
