If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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