Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
