I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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