we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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