Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
