I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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