just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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