Your mouth is God's brothel.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
