is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
