We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
