theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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