Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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