I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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