JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
