I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
