Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
